Have had a bad couple of days...

I ended up at Wal-Mart getting a gift for somebody, and walked by the bakery section. What was there...staring me right in the face?? A smallish coconut cake. What'd i do --when faced with this temptation? Why, i bought it of course!

i'm so weak. It's pathetic.

But listen to this; i ate 2 or so pieces throughout the night, then covered it back up and set it in the trash can. The next day -- since it hadn't been 'touched' by trash...i got it back out and finished it. Not all in one sitting, but before the night was through, that's for sure!

THEN, i did well yesterday...planning to get back on track. i worked out (walked, biked -- got 8.3 miles towards our "virtual" walk across Florida) and ate well, and today...when faced with my last day before Tom comes home -- what'd i choose to do? Because i won't have 'privacy', and can't eat in secret once Tom's home -- so, because time is almost out, I ordered a pizza...and the clincher; it didn't even taste good!! What a waste of energy, time, $$, and calories!! I'm gonna take some Metamucil and see if i can move it thru quicker...

I went to lunch with my friend Dez, and i had a healthy fat-loss plate, but then we split a dessert, after i'd already had my 'fast carb' of potatoes. I ate my mid-aftn snack (protein bar), then came home and ordered my stupid pizza.

My stomach has been squirrely ever since. I didn't work out...was on the verge of diarrhea all night long, and just didn't have it in me to work hard while my stomach was so queasy.

BUT: i have plans to rise early...walk Addison for 30 mins, and immediately come home and get on my bike for 20-30 mins...then do another 20 mins or so tomorrow night -- and then sauna. I'm behind with the whole program and need to get back on board. Exercise isn't such a huge part of it at this stage, but i'm hoping if i work out a lot; i can neutralize the damage caused by the cake and pizza.

What do you think? Am i only dreaming?
And who eats out of a trash can?? What the fuck is that about?? Does that say something about self-worth? Or was it more about that was just where the cake happened to be?

Clearly; that's an emotional issue...not a food one. It's not like i'm a starving person who has no food, except for what's in the trash. It was more like a ghostly pied-piper, made up of white flour and sugar...sitting in that can, calling to me..."i'm still clean...come eat me! I'll be gone soon, and you'll regret it if you don't!" -- dumb.

k, it's late and i'm pooped.
Am determined to have a better food/exercise day tomorrow!
It all starts with a plan...just got STICK WITH IT!!

Tom returns tomorrow night, and not a day too soon. Clearly; i'm not ready to be alone, or strong enough not to resort to old, dysfunctional behavior.

I weighed 174 this AM...3 lbs up.

Shit.