been away for a while, coz

i have a bit of a stomach bug. Tom and i both seem to be sharing this one...we've both got it. No fever; no vomiting (thank GOD!) but chronic diarrhea and cramping and headache and fatigue. Oh joy...

Well, that's not the only reason i haven't written.
I kept meaning to sit down and write, but never got to it. Kept doing other things, i guess.

In any case; I had a good week last week. Worked out (biked, walked -- garnering nearly 14-15k steps every day!) almost the entire week (4 or 5 days...? Can't remember now) and got back down to 175 lbs. I'd been hovering above that for a week or so. Dunno where i am now scale-wise...haven't weighed. Am a little afraid to -- coz i FEEL so lousy. You'd think with some chronic diarrhea i'd lose a few pounds, but the foods i'm being drawn to that i THINK will make my tummy feel better aren't the healthiest choices.

I'll weigh in tomorrow, just to know where i am.

I ordered a new weight-loss program. i know, i know...seems desperate and foolish, but I watched the infomercial about 5-6 times and finally decided to just go for it. It's called the Food Lovers something or other. It's very similar to the NDFH i'm already on, but has a more structured 'program' to follow-- charts, things to fill out, markers to hit, etc.

Also; it's supposed to teach you how & when to eat the things you like (unfriendly foods) in the right combos so that you continue to lose weight -- and don't stall or gain, like i keep doing. I've been hovering at 175 for over a month now, and need to break thru that floor. I hope this will help me with that...

It felt good to be so active last week. I'm bummed i can't really do much today. I fear leaving the house will make me instantly need a restroom, and biking (the seat, anyway) puts pressure on my bum in a way that irritates it, because of all the frequent bathroom visits. I could buck-up and just endure, but i wont. I know me... and i wont. ;o)

I've been writing more on my pet-project and enjoying it. Discovered a whole entire section i'd forgotten i'd written and liked it. It was engaging, entertaining, and enthralling. All the things a good fiction should be. But, we'll see how it all comes together.

I'm looking forward to and dreading my trip to Pensacola. I long to see all my old friends, and have some absolute relaxation time with Tom, but SO wish i'd be thinner for that trip. Maybe this new program will help me get at least 15 lbs lights. If i could be at 155 (20 lbs less than now) i'd be THRILLED --but that just doesn't seem possible. Not at this stage with the difficulties i NOW have with weight loss. Used to be; i could drop it pretty fast, if i put my mind to it. But that doesn't happen anymore with this Syndrome W shit.

I just re-read the above paragraph and thought how full of shit i am. I WANT to be thinner, but am not so focused and dedicated in a way that gets me there. I want it without working TOO hard for it. What a hypocrite. I guess i'm just like everyone else; i want the wanting of it to be enough to will it...without possessing or putting forth the will to GET IT.

Shit.

Oh well...don't feel like thinking about that now.

Anyway -- will let you know when my program arrives and how it is!
May need to lay down again...