Doing Better, but still not great

I've been doing pretty great regarding exercise this week ~ so far, anyway. :o) Monday i walked with Tom for 30 minutes, came home and biked for 30 more minutes, then took a sauna ~ garnering 16-17,000 steps that day. Tues i walked again with Tom, but never hit my 10,000 steps for the day -- i was just too pooped to bike, as i'd intended. BUT, at least i got a 30 min walk in, so i was happy about that.

Yesterday, i walked in the AM with Addison (our dog), then again with Tom in the evening -- reaching 14,000 or so steps by the end of the day. That was a good day, and i FELT like i'd exercised -- even tho my 'walks' aren't power-walks where i'm working hard, hard, hard! Hmmmm...maybe that's something i should change..? Is my intensity not up to snuff? I keep saying i intend to add 3 days of weight-training/sit-ups/push-ups etc into my routine -- but have ceased to follow thru yet. Something to consider, eah?

In any case; I'm feeling good about the exercise -- altho my food-intake hasn't been as good. It hasn't been nuts, but i'm not being as diligent as i should be. The thing is; i don't understand why i'm NOT being more careful. I mean; it's just as easy to eat what i'm supposed to as it is to eat what i'm not...it doesn't make sense. Unless i'm just being lazy and listening to that silent monster in my head that seeks to keep me from my goal.

My friend, Michelle -- my weight-loss pen-pal, whom i've never physically met, but feel i know very well -- she was close to 190 last year, after the death of her mother. She acknowledged that she was emotionally eating and out of control. We'd actually connected before all that -- when she was somewhere around 150 lbs. In any case; over the course of the last 12 months -- she's down to her 120-130's...having lost close to 60 lbs!

Granted; we're going about this differently...she eats low-carb almost exclusively (a day of eating could be 1 pork-chop for b'fast, 1 piece of fish for dinner), and i not only don't WANT to eat that way, i think it's very unhealthy in the end -- but still; she's showing remarkable discipline and i just can't seem to get to a place where i'm more diligent.

I'm finding myself thinking about the weight where she is and feeling jealous. I can visualize myself at 130 and since my goal weight is actually somewhere nearer to 135-140, i would actually BE THERE! I can almost feel the relief of having reached it...!!

But alas; i'm no where near there. I'm still firmly at 176-175. If i could reach 160 before Pensacola -- i'd be THRILLED! But wishing and doing aren't the same things ~ are they? Most of my actions show that i WISH it, but am not GETTING it. Is it merely a question of will power and stick-to-it'dness? Or is it more...? I'd LIKE to think it's more, but that's really just avoiding the truth, isn't it?

BUT, there IS the question of chemistry...no? I mean; maybe part of the problem is because i'm allowed carbs on my "diet" -- The NDFH. Not a lot of them, and certainly no processed sweets, per se. But i have 1 piece of bread or 5 crackers per 'serving' -- whether that's a meal or a snack. And i eat certain fruit (i usually have apples, peaches, pears, or strawberries) -- and that could be keeping my cravings for more carbs alive and well.

I dunno...i just don't understand why i'm not being more focused when i keep saying this is something i want. Obviously it's something i want...and if so; i'll ask it again ~ why aren't i doing it?

sigh.

Anyway -- i have some things to do this AM before a dental appt to have two crowns delivered (all that means is -- to have them put on), then i have a client coming to use the sauna before her NMT appt. I'm gonna walk while she's in the sauna. I WILL be better with my food today! I just had my NDFH b'fast (1 pc. toast with 1 TB whipped cream cheese and 2 slices non-fat ham, with 1 cup NF milk)--and will have my 'snack' before my walk, while my client's in the sauna...then have lunch around 1:00. I'd gotten tired of the taste of salmon for a while, but had it again the other day and loved it. I had better weight-loss days when i was eating more salmon. I think i'll go back to that. And, i'll be cooking dinner for us in the camper tonight, so we don't eat poorly "out".

I DID discover a new lil fast-food joint near us that has the most delectable selection of foods. All i've tried is the Grilled Tilapia wrap -- but i have no idea how healthy that really IS for me. Huh. I'd better look up some of those ingredients and find out, before i go nuts on it, the way i often do with new food i discover. It's the flour tortilla that may be the clincher.

Gonna look it up now...
will check in later...

Oh, btw: i'm afraid to weigh in again...just coz it was going in the wrong direction the last time i did. I wanna wait til i FEEL thinner. lol! I know; dumb -- but i just don't wanna see the scale stuck again.

til later....