What will it do? Well, if it does as promised; it'll promote weight-loss...and fast! I dunno if it was a silly thing to do or not...but i was over-taken by that instant need to buy a pill as a solution to this problem. It's only a 2 week supply (that will automatically bill my CC a monthly supply, if i don't cancel it in time!) - and i only paid 5bucks for it. We'll see if it's anything at all...
I'm researching Food Lovers Fat-loss plan (or something like that) which teaches one how to eat all the foods they love (yep; my early-in-the-week's binge foods included) in the proper combination so that my body will burn fat, not store it; even in the presence of fast-carbs/trash-laden foods.
I thought it might be a better way for Tom to get on board, so he doesn't become overwhelmed with guilt when he eats poorly; because honestly -- his negative thoughts around weight and fat-ness really bug me. It's hard to hear somebody so critical of their OWN fat, and not imagine they MUST be critical of mine as well, ya know? And i can't stand how effected (affected?) he is by his poor body image. I don't see what he sees...but he clearly is deeply effected by it because it's touched other avenues of our life...or "lack" there of; if you know what i mean.
This WOE it seems to be kinda what i'm doing anyway. I'm certainly not eating like a saint, but maybe--without even PLANNING it--i'm mixing in enough slow-carbs with those fat carbs, and adding enough protein to all of it to slow it's process down. AND, maybe with the meds i now take that allow any excreted insulin to actually be accepted into my cells -- maybe a combination of all these things are keeping me from gaining those 15 lbs of weight back.
Well; i say that, but today i weighed in and am at 177.2. I was at 174.4 this time last week. That's 3 lbs UP now. I actually FEEL bloated, tho -- my hands are tight, my skin on my face is...my belly is. I'm having severe allergic reactions to our spring-time weather, and my whole body feels inflamed! But of course; some of that water-weight could have to do with the shitty lunch i had a while ago, AND the fact that i basically skipped b'fast and my first snack of the day...something that i know will keep me from losing.
According to my nutritionist; skipping meals is as bad for me as eating the wrong foods. They both prompt an insulin reaction that will keep me bloated and foggy. It's stupid to skip snacks when all i have to do is walk over to a refrigerator and grab something. I dunno why i'm not doing it...i always feel better when i do!
Is it that Self-Saboteur Monster again?
I worked out last night, and will again today and tomorrow -- so i'll have at least 3 days of it under my belt. I always shoot for a weekend work-out as well, but almost never do it. I dunno why. I'm usually just here--doing stupid stuff around the house. Surely i could fit in 30 mins of biking.
Again; dumb.
I'm feeling some pressure now, tho; we have a vacation coming up where we'll be going home (MY home) to Pensacola for a week on the beach. I'm arranging a 'get-together' for any of our high-school grad class (that's local, that is) to come join us for a day at the beach. I had visions, when i first started planning this, of being 40-45 lbs lighter and feeling thin and pretty for this 'get together'. Now; it's only 3 months away, and even if i lose another 15 lbs -- i won't be as thin as i'd imagined myself to be. I certainly won't match up with my ongoing-fantasy in my head; complete with compliments on how little i've changed, and how GREAT i look for 45! lol!
Egads. I'm pathetic.
Still tho; i need to get serious about this, or i'll begin dreading the get-together and feel like shit about myself. Ya know; this isn't unusual for me...to have a goal in mind, start heading for it, see it over the horizon, then stop it cold in it's tracks. Is that just a self-esteem issue? A fear of success; rather than a fear of failure? Maybe THAT's why i bought that new product; Acai-whatever.
Oh well; i'm not gonna figure it out today. Just trying to understand myself better. i know i'm not comfortable at this weight, so why do i keep myself here? What's blocking me? Do i really not want it and am just telling people i do because i know they expect me to want it? Does that make sense?
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